The Kentucky Derby has come and gone, but the images of those out-of-this-world hats will forever be burned into my brain. If you didn't watch the Kentucky Derby, you haven't seen the ridiculousness of these hats, obviously. But thanks to Time.com, you can view them for the first time, and I can relive the horror of these fashion disasters.
Head of Roses
This floral topper is a nod to the Derby's nickname: "the Run for the Roses." We applaud this man's dedication to the rose theme — he's even got them painted on his cheeks. Cute.
Hey, Horse
If we didn't know better, we'd think that was a ... Nope, not really. It's just a man wearing a scary horse on his head.
Pinned Up
Between the tacky hat and the colorful beads, we're not sure if this woman's celebrating the Derby or Mardi Gras. Probably both. Next time, she could leave the Budweiser and "talk Derby to me" pins off this gigantic hat. After all, haven't we learned that less is more?
Vegas Calling
Did this man steal a showgirl's headdress for Derby day? Feathers can be fun. But not in excess like this.
Churchill Downs Déjà Vu
You're already at Churchill Downs to watch the horse race. Is it necessary to wear the racetrack on your head as well?
Pink Attack
We're not saying a bottle of Pepto-Bismol exploded on this woman's head — just that it looks that way. And are those animal-print horns coming out of her hat?
Balancing Act
Why people insist on wearing horses on their head when there's an entire horse race before their eyes remains a mystery to us.
Winner's Circle
Derby winners are awarded a throw of roses. But if you're feeling left out, take a cue from this man and make your own rose hat.
Crazy Color
Who says the Brits have all the hat fun? This tall, multicolor topper would have fit in perfectly among the elaborate hats that made an appearance at Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding.
Bow to the Bow
Wearing bows atop your head stops being cute past the age of, oh, 10. This hat's not just hideous; it looks like a safety hazard too. Hope she turned her head carefully.
All-American Duo
These two have Derby pride — and, in case you weren't sure, American pride too.
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